| Toni 的个人资料FIGHTING INSANITY照片日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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7月31日 She Get It From Her MommaAm I the only one out there that thinks of weird stuff...like all the time?
Driving down the road yesterday, all three kids in tow, listening to Cheyenne go on about her day at band camp and pretending to be a mother tiger that Mia adopted after a hurricane, I started thinking...in my mind...
What if I had a Delorean? And I'm obviously not talking about the regular old car. I mean the one with a flux capacitor. Duh.
What if I could time travel? What if? Where would I go? And my first thought was to go back in time and gank Fergie's place in the Black Eyed Peas, thus securing lifelong wealth and fame. You know. Naturally. And I would be careful to avoid having so much plastic surgery, and I wouldn't wear a wedding dress that made my ass look like two beach balls glued together. But then I got to thinking...
I might not have the same kind of solo career going on, and I sure enough wouldn't sing a song about my humps. What if there was a man who was meant to fall in love with a skank at some club to the song "Fergalicious", and "Toni-licious" just didn't cut it, but together they were supposed to have produced a child that would one day find the cure for cancer? I'd have screwed up the whole world.
And in my mind, I thought, "Toni, you're an idiot. I cannot believe that this--out of all the thoughts you could be thinking--is what's going through your head. Snap out of it. Do some math or something. Ask Cheyenne what a melophone is. Go ahead ask her." And so I did.
Her reply?
CHEYENNE: "Man. I wish I could invent a pocket donkey. You know, like, small enough to carry in your purse. I couldn't breed it with anything to get it that small, though; that would only give me an impure pocket donkey. I'd have to come up with an actual miniaturizing machine. Like a shrink-a-dink. I'd make shrink-a-dink donkeys. And then I could expand on that and make pocket cows and polar bears and giraffes and stuff. And then I could invent a water purse so that I could carry around pocket dolphins and pocket whales. Wouldn't that be cool? Don't you think a lot of people would buy them, Mom? Mom?"
MIA: "Oh my gosh, yah, totally cool. Hey, Mom. Pretend that you're a pocket aristocat named Despereaux, and that I'm a nice princess, and we're driving in a secret tunnel underground but that we can still see the sky and stuff and that we throw poison darts at the bad people that are on our trail."
Wow. Need I say more? 7月27日 EHMAGAWDMy folks got me a cappuccino maker for my birthday. My love for espresso has grown deeper with every cup. I'm seriously considering buying coffee beans and just eating them straight up.
I took Mia back-to-school shopping today, both for supplies and clothes. I've never seen someone so excited over a crappy box of crayons and a triple pack of glue sticks in my life. She's been asking if she could "please just hold" her #2 pencils ever since we got home. At least I don't have to worry about her not being mentally prepared to go to kindergarten.
It's been raining for eight hours--which is fine. The lawn needed the water...but our dogs won't set foot in wet grass, and I'm just sure one of them--I don't know which one yet--is going to take a big fat dump right in the middle of the living room. So at any given moment throughout the day, I'll run into the room all scary, waving my arms and shouting "Hey!" just to make sure they're not entertaining the idea.
My little sister picked out the bridesmaids' dresses she wants--and yes, they're strapless. And yes, me and my other little sister are less than thrilled, because unlike the other 15 bridesmaids in the April wedding, we have real-world mommy boobs. And it ain't gonna be pretty. Well, maybe Jenny's will, but I can tell you that after 3 boob-sucking babies, it's going to take some serious SPANX to make that dress look remotely good on me. But damnit, it's Katie's special day, and I'll do my best to wear the hell outta that dress, shown here, in all its strapless watermelon-colored glory:
 And for some reason, I've been sneezing like crazy today. 7月22日 I'm Going to Rip My Hair Out.July 22, 2009.
A little over 3 weeks until Mia's birthday. She wants a ball. And damnit, I'm going to give it to her. Granted, she'd probably be happy with any kind of party. But I figure this will be the last year "a ball" will be cool--once she hits first grade, everyone who's anyone knows that balls are for babies.
Coincidentally, the first day of school falls on Mia's birthday this year. The next 3 weeks just got a lot more hairy.
I still haven't made good on my vow to get that ETSY site going. I just haven't found the time to sit down, dig deep, and really work on it. I've pretty much decided to go with "Inkery" as a name; I'm just to weird to settle on anything else. Just one more thing to add to my "to do" list.
Taking the dogs to the vet tomorrow for the first time in ages. Good times guaranteed--for Big Gay Al, the veterinarian, who will be able to buy a bigger boat after our visit.
Cheyenne's summer fun and relaxation will come to a screeching hault next week when band camps starts.
Mia is bored to tears.
Merrick naps like shit these days.
Caleb is traveling once again.
And I'm tired. 7月19日 "Knowing": A Review
What the hell? 7月13日 FastMerrick? Has a fever, again, and I? Am dreading taking him back to the doctor, yet again. My biggest worry is that the ear infection he had down in Florida did not fully go away, even after that hefty-duty round of anti-biotics. What if he eventually needs tubes in his ears? What if? I just don't know if I could handle the thought of surgery. Nevermind that he's already had his skull hacked to bits.
I'm finally getting around to semi-decorating my house. A cheap trinket here, a cheap trinket there...little by little, it's starting to look like someone has lived here for the past 5 years. Pictures to follow. Sometime.
I've got the first trio of dummies painted and ready for tattooage. One of them is an innocent bystander, a lady, so she won't need any tattoos, but the others--the others, I have big dreams for. I tried something new this year and blushed up their merry little faces. From now on, the gang bangers will have slightly rosy cheeks.
That is all. 7月11日 This Week's HighlightsRighty-tighty, lefty-loosey--unless you're dealing with the frothing attachment of a cappuccino maker, apparently.
Something that made even Cheyenne laugh out loud? ME: "Oh, you kids are getting on my ever-lovin' nerves today!" MIA: "Cheyenne, you're getting on mom's seven little nerds today!"
I'm so close to finishing those wedding invitations I can almost taste it. Once those are shipped off, I'm painting the crap out of some rubber gangsters. And when I get done with that, I've got big ideas for a humongous 3-section living room painting.
I cleaned the garage--like, emptied off every shelf and surface, moved every cabinet, shop-vac-ed every spiderweb, dirtpile and dead cockroach, and bleach-wiped everything in sight. I worked like a dog straight-up all day in 100 degree weather, and it was all in vain. Jesus himself could paint a rainbow in my garage, and it would still look filthy.
Caleb's birthday--leftover fireworks and Spider-man cupcakes. It doesn't get any better than that.
Oh, well, yes it does. I bought--for him, of course--a memory foam topper to put on the 40-year-old beast of a mattress we normally sleep on. I felt like I was laying. On. A. Cloud.
Watched "7 Pounds" last night. Woke up this morning with a horrible stomach ache and a ridiculous yet fearful obsession with the Box Jellyfish.
Seriously, the Box Jellyfish. Has anyone ever looked into that? Freaky stuff, what those things do. 7月6日 Working for the ManNow that I'm calm, cool, and unpacked, I can go over a little bit of what's happening around our house.
Merrick's gone straight-up crazy. He purposely bangs his head on anything and everything. He shrieks and screams and runs and hits and bites and shoves. Miraculously I've gotten him back on some sort of schedule and he does go straight to bed most nights between 7:30 and 11:00 p.m.
Mia and Cheyenne are fine. Bored, but fine.
Caleb is once again on edge--I think he's officially quitting a certain bad habit for the 5th time, so I'm trying my best to be patient and understanding with him, even on his worst days...
Which brings me to a most interesting development. Caleb's old job--yeah, the one that laid him off when his wife was 8 months pregnant--that one--wants him back. One of the head honchos called him while we were at the beach, and after many weeks of logical thinking and emotional turmoil, Caleb's decided to take the job. I reason that he's no more likely to be let go at his old job than he is at his new job, and at least with his old job he's known and liked by higher-ups. And then of course, there's the whole thing about money and making more of it again. So, as of July 13th, Caleb will be covering Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, southern Missouri and northern Arkansas for his old company, and he'll be traveling his butt off and we won't see him for at least 3 days out of the week. The thought kills him. It kills me, too. I have to think that it was great having him here over the past year, with all Merrick's head stuff, with Mia starting school, and with the stray ninja dog we adopted. It's almost like it was meant for him to be home with us for the time that he was.
That is all. 7月1日 The Trip to Florida in a NutshellI've been in Florida.
And now I'm back home.
I saw a million people. We did a million things. Some highlights:
It's good to be home. |
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