| Toni 的个人资料FIGHTING INSANITY照片日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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12月27日 I Need A HeroReality's sinking in today. It's been trying to for the past 2 days...actually, for the past 5 months.
Finding out that I'm having a boy has sort of put a more believable spin on this pregnancy--yes, there really is a baby in there and in a few months, we'll have a son. An actual son. An honestly, I'm a little freaked out about that prospect. I had the whole girl thing down...but this is scary new territory.
As a girl raised with 2 other girls by a girl, I fully expect my daughters to turn out just as I imagine: kind, gentle, honest, respectful, intelligent, beautiful...I've got an idea as to what life is going to be like for them and I know it can be done. But a boy? Will he like me? Will he listen to me or will he roll his eyes at whatever I say...sort of like Cheyenne does now? Will he be artistic like me or athletic like Caleb? Or both? Will he be short? Tall? Will he have my green eyes and Caleb's adorable dimples? Can I hug him and cuddle him and still not make him into a pansy? Will I go so overboard with trying to get him to be a "manly man" that I inadvertently turn him into one of the assholes that this world already has way too many of?
I've had my daydreams about him: He'll be funny. He'll be handsome. He'll be valedictorian of his senior class. He'll be a scientist--a cool rocket scientist. He'll be bad-ass--not a bad-ass, but just bad-ass...like Jennifer Garner in "Electra"...And Holy Crap; did I just wish for my son to turn out like Jennifer Garner? Let's scratch that and instead hope for a more "Wolverine" type of guy.
And then of course there's the dream in which my son arrives as "BEE BOY"--He'll sprout wings and a stinger as a result of his mother's run-in with a yellow jacket while she was pregnant with him.
It is the stoff of which superheroes are made.
And he'll love me like Spider-man loves his Aunt May.
I watch way too many movies. 12月25日 The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOkay people, we're having a boy! We had a great Christmas and we're all pretty stoked; we had the ultrasound on Friday and our kid had his own personal moon-bounce thing going on. Apparently he's super-extreme. We asked the tech to write down in an envelope what it was and we opened it this morning; we called everyone we knew in a matter of minutes. Awesome.
Mia's dubbed the little guy Diego, Caleb's undecided, and my dad's rooting for Duncan--obviously someone's been watching a little too much Highlander and I guess our last name just lend itself to that...
Name game aside, I am still reeling a little bit, even though I kind of had a feeling...now it's real. Wild. What do I do with a boy? I mean, besides decorating his room with dinosaurs playing baseball on firetrucks.
More on that later on. Merry Christmas everybody! 12月21日 ONE THING THAT IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF RIGHT NOWGreat day, great day everyone.
Oh, and in case you haven't already heard, Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. And she's only 16. Just thought you should know. If you didn't yet. There was a huge stink about the whole situation on the afternoon radio yesterday--"Call in and tell us if you think Nickelodeon should support Jamie Lynn or fire her!" Not surprisingly, in the white-country-boy-backwoods-Baptist-God'll-damn-you-to-hell state that is Oklahoma, pretty much everyone was ticked off that the poor girl wasn't getting shut down. Geez. Why is everybody up in arms about this? You'd think she was the first girl to ever get pregnant in high school. Now, I'll admit, my very first thoughts were "What the hell are kids these days thinking? What is wrong with that family?" But then, oh yeah, I got knocked up when I was 15. And I'll tell ya, there are worse things I could've done.
And I'll tell you something else, too. The only message kids are going to get from finding out that Jamie Lynn Spears got herself pregnant and then subsequently fired is "Get an abortion lest you ruin your life." It won't be "Don't have sex", because with or without Zoey 101, they're going to have sex anyway. (Yeah they are. You can deny it all you want, but it's gonna happen. I'm sorry.) My prediction is that Jamie Lynn's having a baby will neither deter nor inspire teen pregnancy, for the most part. Parents need to calm the hell down and quit relying on television to educate their children or to provide role models for their children. Maybe people are pissed off because up until know, the subject had never truly presented itself. Parents thought their kids were blissfully unaware--or not--but at least teen pregnancy wasn't all up in their faces, and now, well crap. Parents might actually have to--gulp--talk to their kids about sex. Maybe this is a good thing--it forces the issue a bit. Uncomfortable, yes, but neccessary, and at an earlier age than most people think, these days, I'm sure.
I've already had several talks (lectures, discussions, whatever you want to call them) with Cheyenne--and she's only 11. She can count on several more throughout the years, and she knows it. I'm even going to watch that Linda Ellerby "Don't-Have-Sex" after-school special, Nickelodeon's "answer" (or apology?) to the whole Jamie Lynn catastrophe, with her. And then there's the crushed up birth-control pills I slip in her Cheerios every morning...
And that's all I have to say about that.
Christmas is getting close. I can hardly contain myself. I've tried making cookies but have lost my touch. No big deal. It wasn't that much of a touch to begin with. Used to be I made pleasantly crispy cookies--this year most of them have turned out quite...charred. I'll keep practicing. I'm pregnant, and I'm not missing out on cookies. 12月17日 THINGS THAT ARE SORT OF BOTHERING ME
Week 17, Day 6. I'm in a bit of a funk today; it's probably because I haven't eaten a fucking cheeseburger. And now, I will delight you with some random observations:
MIA: I'm a puppy and I love to bark and lick things! Ruff Ruff! CHEYENNE: And I'm the police man! I've had reports about you! MIA: I'm sorry Mister Police Man! I'll never draw blood again! I promise! CHEYENNE: It's not right to bite! MIA: Oops! Wait! I have to go pee-pee! (lifts leg over Candy-Land) CHEYENNE: That's it! I'm taking you in for urinating on private property! MIA: Don't touch me! I'm a fluffy doggy! CHEYENNE: Here's what's coming to you! (injects poison with syringe) MIA: Ugh...Ack! I'm *cough, cough* dying! Ugh... CHEYENNE: Oh No! Alert the owner! MIA: I'm so cold! I'm...dead. Owner? Mom? Did you hear that? Your doggy died. CHEYENNE: There was nothing more I could do--your dog was choking on cookie dough. MIA: Blechhh...I just threw up. Mom, can we get some cookie dough? Caleb's in Vegas. He's had a terrible time getting signal on his phone--probably all those gambling-pinballish-machine thingies--and we haven't talked to him too much. I'm not worried--just really, really jealous. Ooooo...this is the second "business convention" the company's had out there. They all got the smackdown from the big boss last week: THERE WILL BE NO LATE-NIGHT PARTYING, so I can rest assured he's not having too much fun. It is kind of crummy though--why the hell have the big meeting in Las Vegas when you're not going to let anyone have any fun? I can think of a million and one places across the country that would make for a more boring week. Jack ass. I hate gambling. I get pissed off and want to leave after 5 minutes or $5, whichever comes first.
Today I mailed out about half of the Christmas presents I meant to have sent by 2 weeks ago. Note to self: Next year it's gift cards for everybody. I'll save roughly $100 on shipping costs. I'm kidding myself, though. I love to shop for people. I do it all year long. My soul isn't complete until I've found the perfect gift for everyone on my list; and if there's one or two generic things I have to buy for that certain difficult someone, then I don't sleep well for a month after Christmas. I'm downright giddy about a few of the presents I came up with. I'm not that big on surprises and secrets--meaning I like them, LOVE them, actually, I just can't physically hold them in. But I done good this year.
That is all.
12月16日 Two by TwoI've finally arrived at that oh-so-heavenly stage of pregnancy in which the morning sickness has pretty much disappeared and ravenous hunger has made itself abundantly known.
I.
Am.
Enjoying it.
I took the girls to Sonic today, and I say "girls" but I mean only "me". We hardly ever stop for fast food--I'd like to say that's strictly because I can't stand the grease, but truthfully, it's because I'm usually flat broke by the time I'm done shopping or running errands or doing whatever the hell I'm doing. But today, I had just taken a moody pre-teen and a rambunctious 3-year-old shopping for hours and hours, and I was going to eat a burger, damnit.
I was good, though, and only ordered burgers and chicken strips for everyone. I figured we'd drink water once we got to the house and eat left-over potatoes and asparagus to compensate for the fries we were missing out on. When the waitress brought out our food, though, we had an extra burger and an extra fry. I originally thought my total was a little high--but I didn't argue. I paid and I drove off with all of it, and then I ate all of it and I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty.
I ate 2 hotpockets in a row yesterday and I felt pretty good about that, too.
I have a feeling I'll have no trouble keeping weight on from here on out...and I'm talking months after I have the baby, too.
I love being pregnant. 12月12日 Unplugged and UnflushedI don't like the cold. I don't like the dark. And I don't like an unflushed toilet. I'm a wuss. I know it. My family knows it. It's cool.
We just spent a lovely two-and-a-half days without electricity. Actually, it could have been more like just two days or maybe even one-and-a-half, but please, just bear with me while I dramatize here. I learned power-outages Oklahoma-winter-style are a lot different than power-outages Florida-hurricane-style. And as God as my witness, I will never go without a generator again. (Picture me standing firm, shaking a carrot. Or something.)
It could have been worse. There are still hundreds of thousands of people without power--and it's damn cold. We never had to eat canned beans or huddle together for warmth while we slept in our coats and hats. We cooked great grilled meals. We played board games I didn't know we had. And our friends/neighborhood heroes once again helped us out and got our gas fireplace to work for the first time in a year. Good times, good times--until I heard a nasty rumor that it was going to take upwards of 10 to 13 days before our power came back on. Then I started to freak out a little. (And you guys can all laugh at the phrase "a little".)
Caleb asked me how I felt about going to a shelter. I told him I didn't feel very much about it at all. He should know that I like to be bipolar and scared shitless in the privacy of my own house by now. And besides, after 3 days of not showering, we were STANKY. We might not have even been allowed in any shelter.
I spent a lot of Tuesday quietly hyperventilating, thinking about Caleb's upcoming business convention in Las Vegas, worrying about keeping the kids warm, and trying to come up with a way to flush the toilets--that being by far the most important thing on my mind. (We live in BFE and are on well-water. It requires electricity to pump it into the house.) I even forgot that it was our anniversary--Caleb was the one to remind me this year.
For lunch we ate barbeque chicken after a rousing round of prayer--Mia first: "God is great, God is good, thank you for this meal and thank you for this chicken and thank your for the carrots even though I don't like them. Amen. Your turn, Daddy." We took turns being thankful and positive--for each other, of course, and our good health, but mostly for our fireplace. It was the first time I'd prayed in a while.
I finished up our Christmas cards. I made a million peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. And I played Mad Libs like nobody's business. 4:00 p.m., 4:30 p.m. 5:00 p.m. It was going to get dark, and then it would probably get a little bit colder. Caleb plopped himself down on the couch in the living room and announced, "I'm going to just sit here until the power comes back on." And just like that, 2 seconds later (literally--2 seconds) the lights came on, the washing machine started whirring, and the clocks blinked "12:00". I 'bout cried.
We wasted no time in cranking our heat up to, oh, 80. We ran the dishwasher and vacuumed and watched Tom and Jerry cartoons. We all took long, hot showers. I washed 5 loads of clothes and filled up every possible container we had with water for flushing the toilets--just in case.
Caleb and I got the girls to bed in their toasty little rooms and turned in ourselves. We exchanged cards and hugs, and then we rounded out our anniversary by watching "Nip/Tuck" and "Scrubs" in bed. We debated over what really caused our electricity to come back on so much earlier than expected. Caleb thinks it was because of his "Open Sesame"-type comment. But I'm pretty sure it's because God likes it when I pray.
I'm thinking about making it a habit. 12月9日 Really Great Neighbors, Dog Blood, and Baby NamesLast night Caleb and I (got to escape from, I mean, took a break from, I mean...) HAD TO LEAVE our precious children with some friends so we could go (party, I mean, relax and eat good food, I mean...) MINGLE UNWILLINGLY AND POLITELY with one of Caleb's dealers and his posse. (I promise, my husband does not sell drugs.) We had such a great time. I hadn't eaten so much food since before I got pregnant and man, did I pack it away last night. I had eggplant parmesan and tiramisu, and bread out the yin-yang. There was a girl that is scheduled to have a baby 2 days before me, and we talked our pregnant heads off the entire night. Eerie coincidence: She's also lost exactly 16 pounds. Coolio.
Caleb and I don't get out much--I'm not really sure why...Mia's old enough to do okay with a babysitter now and then...but we're a little paranoid about who we leave our kids with. Plus, we tend to be homebodies and can really get ourselves into a hermit-crab state of mind at times. Oh, and the dogs. Everytime we leave the house I wonder what will be ruined when we return. But last night our friends (and neighbors) came to the rescue--they offered, we jumped...it's soooo nice to know the girls are being completely taken care of by someone we trust and that they like. Apparently Mia had a grand old time, chasing their dog and their fish (yes, the fish) and running around their living room...She absolutely adores these people and I could tell she had the time of her life. I hope she didn't wear anybody out. And so, thank you, Mr. Billy and Miss Shawna--same fine folks that helped Caleb cook our Thanksgiving turkey. They are just basically awesome people.
Back to my annoying-ass dogs--this story is too much to keep inside. Friday night the girls and I returned home from grocery shopping--it was cold and dark and foggy and drizzly...nasty, nasty, nasty. Cheyenne went in the house while I got Mia out of her carseat--and she promptly ran back out screaming that there was "blood all over the house". Scary--I told her to stay right there with Mia while I checked things out. I went inside and Holy Cracker Barrel, you'd thought there was a chainsaw massacre. Blood was everywhere--in pools, drips, smears, all over the floor in every room that wasn't closed off. Gross. It turned out that Smokey had broken a toenail--and that was it. But damn those little things bleed. Luckily we shut all the doors to the rooms with carpet so all I had to do was mop it up off the tile and the wood floors. But even that took 40 minutes. Smokey is fine--we took him to the Big Gay Al veterinarian in our town and got him all bandaged up. The house is blood-free. What a night.
On to baby matters: with me breaking under pressure like I am at our upcoming ultrasound appointment, I've been scouring the baby name books like a woman on a serious mission. Not that I have to name the kid the instant we know what it is...it's just that I want to get in all the dreaming about girls' names that I can. If this is a boy, and if this is our last one, then for me to ponder "Lucy" will be perfectly acceptable only for the next few weeks...after that, Lucy, or any other name I come up with, will be pretty much pointless. Caleb revoked my rights to name a baby boy, a little because of the "deal" we made, but mostly because I told him I thought "Otto" sounded kind of cool.
And so, just for all you baby-name-freaks out there, here's a few more I've been tossing around. It might be the last chance I ever get to even think about the possiblity of using them on a human child...unless Caleb thinks "Lucy" would sound equally cute on a son as it would our daughter.
And that, folks, is about all I got. For now. I realize after writing that list that some of those might sound pretty off-the-wall to the people I know...but I'm a little off-the-wall myself, so I don't feel too bad. And next week I'll probably have a whole new and improved set of names, and, in a few more weeks, if we are indeed having a girl, the entire "Baby Name Wizard" will be my baby-naming oyster. As if I weren't obsessed enough. 12月7日 That Seemed Too Easy...Baby Reese Elizabeth was born Wednesday, December 5th, at around 8:30 or so at night, weighing only 4 pounds and 14 ounces...although my sister had some early contractions just a few days before, we were all a little stunned when her water broke that afternoon. They had the baby a little under 5 hours later. She's tiny, for sure, but as far as anyone can tell, she's healthy and might even be going home today if everything checks out. It's so exciting--I'm officially an AUNT now!
So there's the update on that--I'm still in a little bit of shock--it happened so fast! I had just talked to Jenny that day (probably not long before her water actually broke) and she was feeling pretty good. She said the contractions had eased up a little...so yeah, everyone was pretty much taken by surprise. But, the baby's here, she's doing great...and now I've got to go out and get the kid some Christmas presents. :)
My dad, who had surgery on his heart just last week, got the job he'd interviewed for--DELIVERY MANAGER at the new Lowe's back home. He's retired military and did run his own delivery service a few years back so this should be right up his alley. He starts training next week.
I miss my family so much it makes me sick right now...but I can't help but be insanely happy for all of them.
Well, that's everything interesting in my world for right now. You all have a good weekend! 12月4日 Who's Next?I've only got energy for an update and a few sassy sentences today before I go and attack the refrigerator.
Jenny is a-okay--and still very much intact as far as the pregnancy goes. She's gone back and forth to the doctor these past several days only to be sent home time and time again to "wait it out". Fortunately the contractions have tapered off somewhat and she's not completely miserable anymore. So, no baby as of yet, and hopefully no time extremely soon.
Our friend Jaimie, who is due right around the same day as my sister, is also "on the verge" and actually has been for the last month or so. She's having a terrible time not going into labor...what is up with pregnant chicks these days? Watch: I'll be the one to be still full of baby 14 days after my due date.
Cheyenne, my poor girl, got sick at school yesterday with some kind of wicked bad stomach virus; Caleb picked her up at around 10:00 and she threw up practically every 5 minutes for the next 12 hours. It was so horrible. She was just beside herself; she couldn't even make it to the bathroom half the time so I strategically placed a big blue bowl at the floor by her bed. What really sucks is that she seemed to wait until I walked in to check on her--so I usually got to witness the...you know...and although I've pretty much gotten over my morning sickness, everytime she did it, I could feel myself getting sicker and sicker. Today, Caleb and I are basically living in fear: Who's going to get it next? Every little gurgle in my stomach is freaking me out, so much that I've not eaten as much as I probably ought to--I guess maybe the less I eat, the less awful throwing up will be? Except now I'm hungry and I'm about to gorge myself on left-overs...I'll probably make myself sick without even having contracted a bug...
Enough of that lovely talk. Cheyenne's feeling better today. Mia is still her wild and crazy self so I know she's fine, and Caleb is still trying to shake his cold...and deal with more side effects from yet another rabies shot and round of antibiotics. People, don't ever let a dog bite you--this shit goes on forever.
Sunday turned out to be fairly pleasant--clear and freezing, but sunny, so we took what we could get and trucked out to the tree farm we like to go to. We picked out a great 9 foot tree and put that puppy up the instant we got home. It was lighted and decorated before bedtime. I used to love fake trees--absolutely NO HASSLE--but Caleb is a die-hard real tree kind of guy, and so over the years, I've "converted". And I sort of love the little "tradition" we have going of visiting the tree farm, riding around on a big fat wagon, picking out a tree, and chopping it down together. We have so much fun--and we get free hot chocolate! It smells so good and looks so good. Real trees are recyclable. They are a crop. They give people oxygen. And they provide habitats for little woodland creatures. At least, that's what the brochures say. Putting up a live tree isn't really even a chore for us. I'm vacuuming dog hair everyday anyway so the pine needles are no additional trouble. And even if having a real tree was a little bit of a hassle, it's worth the effort.
Oh, and me? Great. Dandy. My mission for today is CHRISTMAS CARDS--every year I have this goal to get them out before the end of the first week of December...it's good to dream... 12月1日 She Get It From Her MommaSaturday. Week 15, Day 5. What a great day! It's fricking freezing. It's fricking rainy. Our plans to hit up our favorite Christmas tree farm are foiled yet again for the second week in a row. No biggie. We'll just go without a tree for another week. I feel so...incomplete.
Everyone around here is recovering nicely from the sniffles. Caleb's got it the worst out of all of us right now, but he's distracting himself out in the garage with his handy-dandy workbench--yeah, I thought he was done with that, too, but apparently it's no ordinary workbench. It's a work table with multiple levels of shelving...and then of course there's the staining and pretty-ing up of the thing. Wow! If whatever he builds looks half as good as what he's building it on, we'll be in good shape.
My little sister Jenny took a quick run to the hospital yesterday morning after dealing with some real-live contractions. Evidently Baby Reese doesn't want to miss out on her Christmas presents. She's smart--and obviously very impatient--and she's not even born yet. As far as I know, Jenny's still having the contractions and she's only 35 weeks--close enough, I guess...it's still a little too early but at this point the baby's chances of being born completely healthy are excellent...or so I've been told. She's officially quit her job and will spend the next month (or day, or however long it happens to be) chilling out at home, waiting for the baby. I gotta say, I'm excited. My sister, having a baby! Now she'll know how it feels, and I'll have someone to swap nasty baby stories with! Someone to understand when my kids are driving me crazy! And best of all, I can feel all warm and smug when Miss-Sleep-til-Noon becomes Miss-I-Can't-Even-Keep-My-Eyes-Open-Because-That-Kid-Is-Always-Waking-Me-Up-At-Night. Yes!
I'd say I'm totally kidding about that last part, but I'm not. Not even a little bit.
I love you Jenny.
And I hope you can hang in there a little bit longer. Because I'd sure hate for you to miss out on the ultimate pregnancy joy of being 2 weeks overdue. Now that's fun. |
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